All I Really Need to Know I Learned from Taiwan Adoption

I think most of you in the Taiwan Adoption Community know the name, Jackie, right? Jackie is Mom to Lucy. I remember it like yesterday. Watching every second of video that Jackie shared while visiting Lucy in Taiwan. Watching her hold her baby girl, crying tears of joy, and then sharing in the most heart-wrenching goodbye. Eventually Jackie returned to SLC to bring Lucy home forever. I personally lived, and Survived Taiwan Lucy , and am thankful for Jackie and the adoption community as a whole, for the opportunity to learn, laugh, and cry. Enjoy reading what Jackie has to share. . .

Jackie blogs at The Silver Whining.

All I Really Need to Know I Learned from Taiwan Adoption
Mother’s Day 2007 I think the first time I had brought up the subject of adopting a daughter was probably on our second or third date, years before we actually got married or had the boys. But lately, adoption had become a regular topic of discussion.

Could we really do it? Did we really want to parent three kids? I think both Jeff and I were on the fence.

But it was that Mothers Day 2007, that we jumped onto the adoption side of that fence - committing to finding our daughter and bringing her home. Jeff had wrapped a silver picture frame, adorned with three hearts to symbolize three children. Smiling photos of Jacob and Brady filled two of the slots. In the third, just three little words told me he was ready to become a father for the third time.

"Reserved for Lucy”
It’s been four years since that Mothers Day and over two and a half since our Lucy came home and changed our lives forever. But while memories of the adoption process may fade, (the most excruciating, emotional and exhilarating journey I’ve ever experienced), I will never be able to forget how it transformed me in ways I could never imagine.

You can love someone you have never met We sat on an uncomfortable futon in a small office waiting to hear about the little girl who could potentially be our daughter. Jeff and I decided to wait until we had all of the information before seeing her photo, we wanted to keep our heads on straight and our thinking logical (whatever that means). Hanging on every word, we couldn’t help but discuss the strong and spunky 7 month old like she was our little girl -- because she was. It was at that moment that her health, safety and well-being completely took over my world, even though we wouldn’t have her home for a full year after that.

Patience can not be defined I thought waiting that full year tested my patience, but I had no clue. It was the months (maybe even years) after my baby came home that has highlighted every insecurity, pushed every button and made me question my ability as a mom and woman. All the books and blogs in the world can’t prepare you for a child who wants no part of you... or a toddler who resembles a teenager more than a baby. I’ve never experienced another time in my life that has taught me so much, helping me to become stronger and making me much more aware of my triggers and responses to stressful situations.

You can feel a part of a culture you don’t belong to I can’t even begin to explain the love I feel for the country that gave my family one of its most precious gifts. The two trips I took (one to visit my daughter during the wait) were life-changing. Whenever I meet someone from Taiwan, you’d think I had grown up there -- there’s such a connection for me. Although I’ve had my share of looks when my curiosity takes over and I don’t have Lucy with me. My overzealous fascination and love for Taiwan could possibly seem a bit odd out of context. (My apologies to that woman in the grocery store.)

People talk. Get over it. Adopting internationally can often make perfectly reasonable people say stupid things. Ask someone with an adopted child and you may hear tales of ignorance, racism and outright insanity. At first, you may feel the urge to educate everyone you’ve ever met. But that will (and should) wear off. There will come a time when you realize that some people just say dumb things -- let it roll off your back. But there will always be those times you can’t help but stand up and school ‘em. Go for it. Just be warned, it may still fall on deaf ears or bring out even more stupidity. If you haven’t experienced this, trust me -- you will.

Did I mention loving someone you’ve never met? The most unexpected reward I think I received during our Taiwan adoption was the friends I’ve made. When I thought I couldn’t take another minute of waiting, there were Taiwan adoption blogs and groups that kept me sane -- even if only temporarily. The support the Taiwan adoption community offered was incredibly touching -- the chance to take photos or deliver a gift to a child when I was in Taiwan or have another parent confirm that my baby girl was doing okay while they were there picking up their own child... there was a camaraderie between us all and an understanding of where each of us was in the process.

But above even that, I feel so blessed to have met the strong, sassy mamas that have unexpectedly become lifelong friends, becoming an extension of my own family. Trying to imagine the wait... those first months at home... or the questions and challenges ahead without those ladies... actually, I can’t even imagine it. Who knew when we set out to bring home one little girl, I would surround myself with a group of grownup girls who would also change my life for the better.

What have you learned from Taiwan adoption?

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